Okay, listen, I know that I’m incredibly late and I know that you’re really mad, but you've got to hear me out at let me tell you why!
So I’m waiting for the 7 at Junction, minding my own business listening to some Kanye, because you know I was in the mood. So I’m bumping and I’m waiting and I feel this gust of wind so I turn to see if the train is coming and there’s this tall guy just materialized out of nowhere and is standing next to me looking for the train. Now I was just about to go back minding my business when I catch the side of his face and he looks really familiar. He turns my way, I guess to see how the trains on the other line was doing and you will never guess who I was staring at.
Guess! No! Who the hell cares about Steve the Skeeve? So what if he has a six-pack now? Once a creepo, always a creepo.
Ugh, I’ll just tell you.
James Franco. James Green Goblin, Pineapple Express, Gorgeous Lazy ass smile Franco.
I swear to you my heart just stopped. I nearly keeled over into the track!
But he’s standing next to me and I’m just standing there, freaking out, wondering if should make a move, you know get an autograph? You know, something to commemorate the moment where all the stars aligned and I met the fourth man on my potential baby celebrity-daddy list.
What? Whose first? Ch- that doesn’t matter right now!!!
So I finally work up the nerve to tap him on the shoulder when all of a sudden this snowball comes flying out of nowhere and clips it him in the head.
Yes I said snowball.
Yes I know it’s the middle of summer.
I turn around to see the cleanest looking hobo you will ever see in New York with a mini-cooler in tow with another snowball armed and ready. The guy screams something at Franco in what I swear was Tibetan-
I mean I took two years of it in college, so I think I’d know it if I heard it. Let me finish!
So Franco is like, enough is enough and screaming all this stuff and pulls out one of those deluxe Nerf Water Guns and starts shooting, at him, and our whole platform erupts! The platform on the other side is screaming like it’s a WWE Match on our side and telling Franco “finish him!” Then the train finally comes in and the fight moves onto there, delaying it as the conductor guy tries to break it up.
I swear it must have been one of those prank TV show things. I wouldn’t know though, I booked it as fast as I could and ended up taking the long way here.
What? Galifianakis? … It could have been…
What? No, I didn’t fall asleep on the train!
You don’t believe me? Dude, this is New York! Where else could crazy shit like this happen?